Tag Archives: language

Diary Reads

I have to admit I’ve often thought if I was to become a bona fide author I’d consider a diary format novel. It has the simplicity of being able to start and stop and rant at random for long or short clips as it suits you. Because that’s what real diaries probably do.

The one possible exception being Anne Frank’s diary. I’ve always found that a tedious and difficult read, not to mention depressing. Almost every entry lasts forever as she had nothing else to do except write. Poignant yes. But I’ve never managed to share the enthusiasm so many others have for the book but saying that out loud is a no-no. Like admitting you are a blatant racist who kicks puppies for a hobby.

I took the latest Bridget Jones’ Diary out the library. I detested the first book and never read the second as consequence. Funny enough, I don’t mind the movies as much. My issue with the books are they really are written like someone who can’t be bothered to put words down for eternity but feels compelled to write something down. In truth, they also read a lot like emails from a certain member of my family who assumes you already know the context of whatever the story is. And who leaves out random words that would help the flow of language because somehow this works out as ‘abbreviation’ and ‘time saving’. Bridget Jones’ Diary is written in exactly the same same style. The style of one who knows better but can’t be asked to spell check or pause long enough between brain and keyboard to ensure that all the words in their heads have actually made it onto the page.

Most of all though I detest how ridiculously sanctimoniously fortunate Bridget is. Oh, yes, of course, especially in the third book she has undergone great personal tragedy. But then many others have too. Most people do not, however, manage to live in the very centre of London (even if it is run down and noisy) by themselves in a one bed flat. They don’t manage to not only stay employed despite blatant incompetence, personal issues and hangovers but get promoted, moving steadily onto a dream job. Despite gross indecision and rash behaviour have the option of landing a few men at the same time and being given enough second and third chances to pick the right one. They don’t naturally land up being able to somehow stay on the borders of Hampstead Heath where property is at a premium playing at being scatty, bohemian and despite everything, ‘lovable’.

I remember rewatching the movie when I was single and convinced I’d be alone forever. I still have those days. The movie was screamingly more funny than I remembered because I WAS now old enough to be that singleton, which hadn’t worried me so much when I first watched it. And tragically more sad when it ended and I realised in frustration Bridge had, despite everything, landed a man, The Man. And I was still, like she was at the start, sitting on my sofa in my PJ’s, in a dead end job, single, with no clear indication how to move on.

 

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Filed under book review, film, Relationships, social

Similarities between managers, parents and English speakers

As you get older you become less flexible, especially if you are a parent with a child who is unable to compute putting their shoes away even though they are now actually taller than you.

Fact.

As you rise up in the food chain you get more accustomed to people fulfilling your every command.

Fact.

If you only speak English you assume everyone else really wants to speak it too to communicate.

Fact.

So this is how it works if you fall into one or more of the three above catagories.

Someone says something to you which will impact on your life. One of three things occurs.

  • It is not what you wanted them to say as it seriously inconveniences your life in some fashion because they have just stated they either can’t do what you want or won’t do what you want when you want it done
  • You don’t actually believe or understand what they just said to you
  • Everyone jumps to obey your command

If the third option does not happen your solution is to:

  • Say it louder and slower
  • Say it louder and slower and more insistently when the person keeps going ‘no missus, is not possible’
  • Ignore what they are saying and reply, ‘So it’ll be done by tomorrow, yes?’ and walk out to end the conversation in complete bliss that everyone will jump to your command in your absence

And you know what really irritates me in this situation?

The problem is STILL THERE tomorrow. Just because you commanded that tomorrow the moon needs to orbit the sun because an eclipse would suit you does not mean your minions/children/slaves can achieve the task, even if they stay up all night. Or in fact that they want to even if they tried.

I don’t understand how it is the people who are meant to be running things are often the most oblivious to the reality.

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Filed under anecdote, balance, learning