Mild depression and Coronavirus?

I must admit I have ignored my poor blog.

Partly because I am not convinced anyone reads it (Not unfairly given I don’t seem to have time to follow other people either, all I do occasionally while I am supposed to be paying attention on online meetings is trawl through luxury websites of clothing and jewelry I can never afford. To be honest, I did this once in a meeting when we WERE doing them in person and one of my directors caught me doing it and asked how I thought I could afford the dress – which obviously had no relevance to the current proceedings.)

But I don’t think coronavirus is helping. Like many others I am trapped at home. But I am ‘grateful’ as I still have my job.

It has meant longer hours though as the so called commute time is still spent at the desk. For which it took a year for me to buy something with wheels on to sit on because I never thought this would last so long until finally my back gave up and I was forced to admit I couldn’t keep putting off the pain because ‘next month’ the world would open up.

Life is currently made up of next months right now. We will start living ‘next month’. Not this month. Next month. This month we will just keep being ‘grateful’ we are healthy and able to pay the bills.

Even though it means we are stuck permanently in stretchy clothing with increasingly bad hairstyles and getting fatter because we aren’t moving nearly as much as we did before.

Mentally that has had a terrible effect on me. I just don’t have the energy to do all the things I took joy in before as hobbies. I don’t understand how because I used to commute 3 hours a day for work but I have less time to live now than I did then. In my before life I had time to stop on the way home from work to see friends/go exercise/shop and still somehow managed to feed myself, do chores and indulge in random activities that gave me further joy around my home.

I am sure I am looking at this with rose tinted glasses. But I do know I have not had the energy to write. Or read. Or any of the things I planned to do one day when I would have more time at home. There is literally such a thing as too much of a good thing.


Filed under anecdote, coronavirus

The sad pro to the coronavirus

So I was in Chinatown on Monday night. News reports have come out saying the area has been hit by the whole coronavirus thing. That people have been staying away and revenues have fallen.

Personally I still find the city is quite overfull. I have noticed a white girl wearing a face mask – which is unusual. Even before this ‘pandemic’ it was not unusual to see an oriental person wearing them. It is in the culture.

So we went to a restaurant notorious for excellent service and extremely long queues. It seemed to be in the process of renovation which wasn’t really doing its upstairs waiting area any favours as it looked like a building site at the rear. But there was no queue.  Whether due to renovations or other reasons? (Given only the reception upstairs was being meddled with)

So either the restaurant has turned out to not be very popular in the Big Smoke after being open for a few months or the fear of getting sick has kept people away. We are more inclined to suspect the latter.

It is a place that usually only has a few token people of other race while it is a hotspot for people from Asia because it is part of a big chain abroad. This time around, as usual, there were only a few token ‘other race’ people although all the waiters spoke fluent Mandarin and English. But more significantly, there were empty tables.

We have never seen that before there. Empty tables.

It was delightful to not sit in the waiting room for two hours which is what happened last time I went there (To be fair, they kept me occupied with snacks but that’s not the point).

As we went up to the buffet where you collect starters, fruit to finish and a variety of condiments you can mix and match together for dipping sauces and toppings, my friend said, ‘and this is how we will all get sick’. He sort of had a point. The staff were all in face masks and used gloves to top up the condiments. But we were all still happily bending over them and poking them as the general public and while you boil your food to beyond dead, you don’t tend to boil the dipping sauces. And you know how there is always one person who just puts the wrong spoon back into the wrong dish the whole time.

Still, I know it is a terrible thing to say – but it was nice to take the risk and not have all the hoards of people. I can still say this at present as the country is still relatively virus free. I’m sure I’ll be laughing on the other side of my face tomorrow when I’m sitting on the train and some person not only spreads their legs into my space but coughs all over me.


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Filed under Food, modern living, travel

Delusions of vlogging

Plus one got YouTube Premium. I didn’t realise I never liked YouTube because videos get broken up by ads. Without the ads it is significantly more watchable. And there is some random crap on it, which just gets even more weird when you get sucked in by the algorithm working out what it thinks you want to see.

I learned a bit about why people follow some YouTubers religiously. The good ones are a bit like mini tv shows.  There is something oddly satisfying about watching someone trying to bake their lipsticks into a cake, while being quite personable about it. So you watch another video by the same person and so forth. (and then you accidentally hit the subscribe button and can’t work out how to unsubscribe meaning you keep getting notifications even if you didn’t intend to watch this person again.)

I watched an episode by a girl showing you how to ‘hack’ clothing to ‘thrift’ it – big with the whole eco-climate change recycling thing. She had a charming personality so I watched a few more episodes. I was impressed by her credentials- straight As, went to a top college, finished her degree early while managing to gain a working wage on her channel looking super trendy and cute even though she seemed to live off cereal.

A lot of the people who comment and follow her indicate they feel she is a ‘friend’ and admire her open hearted discussions on clothing, body insecurities and even sex as she flits around playing at DYI, fashion and life. She openly admits she spends a huge amount of time editing her videos and it’s not all glamour – but I don’t think that’s what most people see. The reason so many people want to become vloggers is they ignore the hard work is involved to look pretty for 20mins a week on screen.

The part people really seem to turn a blind eye to, even though the girl admits it herself, is the fact that she relates better to her camera than real people. She was dating someone when she turned 21 and he spent the day with her as they went out for dinner and got trashed on her first day legally drinking in the States. It was all very cute and crazy. All I could think though was why was someone who was only 21, in college, attractive and chirpy, choosing to spend her 21st with one person and a camera on the excuse her friends don’t necessarily know each other or get along?

The reason is because this is her reality. This cyber world.

I am not going to be famous. I was definitely not as financially free as she is at her age, or able to travel as diversely and still earn a living. (I’m still not.) But I wouldn’t change my year of being 21 for hers either. Mine was filled with clumps of friends turning 21 in the same year (I attended more 21sts in that year than I’ve attended weddings in my adult life). I was flat broke for most of that year. We had to club together to try buy people one relatively decent gift rather than whole series of tealight holders and hipflasks. I would not have had time to make a video of me talking to randoms online because I was too busy talking to random strangers and just plain randoms face to face.

I think we all suffer from various insecurities and irritating personality traits. Some of these you can discuss more openly online and be validated by strangers who bother to comment than with actual people. And it’s good to know we are all human.

But it’s a bit sad how for so many of us (at a younger and younger age) this virtual world is overtaking the real life people in front of you in a real and substantial way.


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I’m relieved Extinction Rebellion have quietened down. The upside to what they are doing is they are attracting attention to the fact that everyone could do more for climate change and the environment.

The downside is, in my opinion, they are only attracting traction from people who might already care a bit about the environment. I don’t think Joe Soap on the street who uses sandwich bags every day instead of beeswax coated cloth or buys a disposable coffee every time he goes out really cares.

The people Extinction Rebellion should be targeting are the big corporations and China and the USA, who, lets face it, are the biggest culprits when it comes to environment and could be the biggest influencers for good.

I resent that Extinction Rebellion seems to expect the government should do more to nanny people into subjecting to a better world. Whether this be through eliminating plastic in supermarkets or by mandating we should be eating less meat. Sure, government could do more, they could go after big corporates and tax them into greener policies, they could enforce a system by which only people with justifiable reasoning could travel long haul and in cattle class so that each ecofoot print is lower.

But what of the implications therein? More taxation and enforcement just means corporations driven by money would make their services more expensive, impacting on the poorest of the poor first and, when left to choice, given them inadvertently, less disposable income to make intelligent green shopping choices. Enforcing what people can do creates a nanny state and a loss of freedom. It also implies instead of educating a community how to be better people, you are just telling them, so instead of breaking a cycle of pollution at grassroots you are just bullying behaviour and encouraging lawbreaking.

There is no connected holistic thinking from a lot of these protesters. No practice of what they are preaching. Many of them are safely middle class, in a comfortable position to complain. Do many of them, in fact, wear only second hand charity shop clothing, purchased only when necessary to save landfill? And in biodegradable fabrics instead of synthetics (And don’t tell me ‘vegan’ leather is better for animals when much of it is created using plastics and oils that will pollute the world for years after the leather is disposed of)? Do they forego their regular holiday sprees to exotic far off destinations or regular visits to their short hop holiday homes in Europe (taken by plane)? Do they turn down their thermostats in the winter by a couple of degrees, not to save money but to save the draw on energy?

They are backed by celebrities who make a big deal about climate but who then board planes to fly first class or private charter, with the excuse ‘I offset carbon emissions by paying for a wind turbine’. Which doesn’t really negate the fossil fuels burned to get you somewhere quickly and in comfort without the commoners.

BBC showed a picture of a thank you bouquet sent by a XR supporter to Brixton police station for their peaceful support. It was made up of oriental lilies which, at this time of year, I doubt were grown outdoors in a garden. No, they clocked airmiles or greenhouse energy requirements at the very least. More appropriate would have been a hand picked bouquet out of a local garden.

Of course there are some exceptions to the rule when it comes to green protesters. Like a German in a forest in his homeland who has sacrificed his job as a maths teacher to quietly protest against the destruction of that forest. But most of those people camping in London? Besides being a huge inconvenience and problem a dream for intelligent homeless people who could have begged free refreshment by pretending to be one of the crowd, what value are they really adding?

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Filed under animals, modern living, news, politics, social

Oh Potato!

Strange to think the humble spud came from South America. It is not like it is a staple starch there. Instead I was reading an article of people being poisoned there when they didn’t process cassava roots properly the way they do in Africa. Apparently it’s a mulitlayer process to break down the toxins. Maize and rice seem to be equal carb options too there.

Either way. So much adoption of cultures and foods.

Personally I am not a massive potato fan. I know in theory you can do many things with it. Bake it, fry it, mash it, boil it etc etc but it’s still quite a clangy starch. And if fried, potentially a greasy oily one.

But I am intrigued by the uptake of the spud in Europe. Mostly because in our little trip to Lisbon any time you ordered fresh seafood it seemed to come with mandatory boiled potatoes. (these were surprisingly tasty as they seem to boil them in huge amounts of salt). If you ordered a meat or chicken based dish heaps of sliced fried potatoes seemed to be the order of the day. (sometimes confusingly, with rice)

It made me think of my Polish friend who thinks every meal should contain a boiled potato. But then he also thinks some sort of pickled veg should also be included. Also cabbage in some format. Sometimes a double whammy of pickled cabbage.

And here I thought it was the Irish that were all about potatoes.

And apparently the English. (I have a work colleague who inexplicably only had spaghetti bol in his late teens/early twenties. I asked how that worked out and it turned out he’d been raised by his gran who was a strict meat and two veg type of gal and the only carbs generally found in their meals were potatoes and bread. No messing around with strange foreign foods like pasta, noodles or rice!)

Personally though if I was to pick only one starch I had to live with for the rest of my life I do not think potatoes would be it. Even if I had the choice of jersey royals, king edwards and those strange purple ones that start out an intense dark purple when raw and fade out to a gentle lilac like a old lady’s rinse or a unicorn haired millenial.

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Tourism in the Handmaid’s Tale?

So I was in Lisbon a couple of weeks ago. And I live in the Big Smoke. Both brim with clueless people speaking the ‘wrong’ language and wandering around aimlessly getting ripped off by the last restaurant TripAdvisor highly recommended which has nice tablecloths outside.

And let me tell you, even in random places like Johannesburg and Beirut (but a bit less so) you realise drifting past you more often than you would want are a bunch of people who are essentially tourists.

Places like Jhb and Beirut are actually quite charming because you have to look and listen a bit harder for visitors because most people are local – or at least, from the country or live in the country full time having emigrated there.

But in most European cities and quite a few other places I’ve been around the world, pick the wrong area (ie the cute pretty trendy one) and foreigners far far outnumber the locals.

The Handmaid’s Tale is making a resurgence in the public eye following on from the tv series. For those of you not in the know, in this dystopia, America has become uber conservative to the point that the Amish are party animals. They are also having major issues with fertility resulting in a patriarchal society in which everyone stays within the box assigned to them – work wise, accommodation wise, clothing wise, sex wise (the bit that so much controversy hinged off of ) etc etc They all subsist in an almost communist regime with very little in the way of personal possessions or personal identity.

In the book (I never managed the tv series) Japanese visitors come to see the country. The women – shock and horror – wear skirts cut above the knee and lipstick and have their hair uncovered. There is a very clear distinction between them and the locals and not just because they look oriental in a sterile mid-West.

Travel to the country is very restricted it seems. The implication is these people travelled in on business or as media guests. A bit like going to visit some of the ‘Stans, North Korea or maybe even Iran, you need a number of visas and reasons to want to go visit. But Iran for example is still apparently an amazing place to see.

How would tourism have worked in the Handmaid’s Tale? It would have been a major hit on the economy if people couldn’t go to Disneyland and New York anymore. And decanting New York of all it’s immigrant foreigners must have been a major thing.

How and why would you control this flow of money and people coming in? It’s a porous old border which is why Donald Trump wants to build The Wall.

I imagine you’d toe the line as a tourist, like people have to in North Korea. But it would sure be a hard 180 when you look at where the States is now in terms of tourism and hedonism in some of the top tourist hot spots.

This is definitely one of the better sci-fi/fantasty/dystopian dramas dreamed up. And details like this aren’t really the point.

But it bothers me when I try visualise people doing selfies in front of the hooded figures that the oppressed who were originally liberal Americans would just stand by. And that the doors would just swing shut on the world. Even if this book was set pre-Internet/smart phone. Completely meaningless observation and irrelevant to the themes being developed in the book.


Just saying.

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Filed under book review, film, review, social, travel

Holiday accommodation

I have realised that as I have gotten older my taste in accommodation when vacationing has evolved.

In my childhood we NEVER went away. But if we did it usually resulted in a (whole!)weekend at Sun City. So my experiences of hotels were based off five star resorts with breakfast buffets that allowed ice cream at breakfast, turn down service, burgers under cloches and uncomfortable sofa or trundle beds.

After that in my student days I learned how to sleep on people’s floors/sofas/random location in house if it meant a cheap and easy trip with someone else basically letting me camp under their roof. There were also a few terrible camping experiences thrown in. When I camp, it inevitably rains. A lot.

I realised youth hostels -who’s multibed scenarios I could not contemplate if it was a roomful of snoring strangers I don’t know – not so much from the snoring point but the will my belongings still be with me when I wake up thing- often have private rooms. You often still have to do the dodgy flip flop in the shower walk of shame to the communal toilet thing but you can shut the door on the people you don’t know. And when you get better at this you start to book the hostels with the en suite bedrooms. Even if it means you are sleeping in a loft space.

Ironically as a result these rooms have shot up in price and now rival a three star (read two or one star in Africa/SE Asia) dodgy hotel in terms of financial set back. And you still (or I still) have the inconvenient bias of being convinced people who frequent such hotels/hostels may be carriers of bed bugs and are the sheets washed? Or in some instances, ARE there sheets? Never mind are there towels.

So I’m back to a higher end hotel again. Sometimes.

I think AirBnb has a lot to answer for. But I do like the fact that it and competitor sites  (who do NOT allow the hosts to cancel at whim) offer self catering flat(lets) at competitive prices. This means there is a chance the room is a bit bigger than a hotel room. And there is a fridge and I can eat breakfast in my accommodation. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE breakfast. But there is something miserable (and I have done this) in getting up a bit late, still having to get dressed for the day and then starving and consequently having a huge argument with the person you are travelling with because you are hungry and they will not agree to go to some dodgy eatery but need a ‘nice chic cafe’.

I’m hopeful I’ll manage to scale my lifestyle up one day though. So I’m back to the five star hotels with the guaranteed comfy beds, the triple ply toilet paper and all you can eat breakfast buffets.

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Filed under memories, social, travel


I was sent to a single sex school. So that I would learn independence. The ability to pay for myself, open doors for myself and that girls could do science and maths. That an ineptitude to do certain things may be because you were lazy or lacked the physical or mental ability, not due to being a woman but because you were genetically disabled.

Then I reached the real world and discovered that actually it is not sexism but politeness that dictates a guy opens a door for you or buys you coffee… the same way you stand up to let an old lady sit down on the bus. A sign of respect. Not because someone is trying to get into someone else’s (granny) pants.

Now I’m stuck in this strange world which has blown up about famous successful people who have been abused or harassed. I’m not going to lie either. I had a job interview where the (male) interviewer admitted after a few drinks (it was an informal interview) that one of the selling points for me for the role over someone with the same qualifications and experience was I was a woman. It would look better to the board.

I should have been insulted but living abroad with a foreign qualification has meant I’ve spent a lot of time fighting to prove I’m equally competent – nothing to do with being female. Some things are what they are. Life isn’t fair and if the dice are going to roll my way on this one so be it because they could just as easily roll against.

I do feel bad for anyone who has been a victim. Of course it could happen to me. Of course I believe women get a bum deal when people think you might pop a baby – or you did pop a baby – with regards to climbing up the career ladder. It is easier to excuse men as still 100% invested in their jobs. But this is partly because most men still don’t ask for shared parental care, not just how companies view it.

It’s up to you to change mindset. It’s up to you to show your company you think co-parenting is a thing if you are a parent. It’s up to you to not be a victim. It’s up to you to believe you deserve to be there. Of course I’ve gone into meetings that I haven’t really ‘owned’. Where I’ve been insecure. But that was because I was badly prepared or out of my depth. Never because I was a woman. And never, so long as I’ve know I was in the right and informed, can I honestly say I have been treated as a lesser participant in those meetings. It’s up to you to own the moment rather than have the moment own you.

#metoo is only a thing if you let it be a thing.

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Filed under equality, modern living, paranoia, politics, work

Constant communication

My company allows for remote working – in a sense. In theory I can connect to wifi and then access the server and continue work wherever I am. This is particularly important because I could be in a few different locations while I am ‘at work’.

Lately though I’ve been having an issue. When I connect to wifi at home and then the server, I get a blue screen dump within two minutes. Without fail. This means I can work off anything that is only internet based but I can’t actually save anything back where everyone else, including myself can find it again.

I tried to tell IT this. So they removed my wifi drivers. When they did it I did question at the time if this wasn’t a little bit like sawing off the branch I was sitting on with me still sitting on it but hey, they were the experts. For an hour after that we struggled with the realisation that to reinstall the driver I required the internet. Which required wifi. Which I no longer had because the driver had been removed.

Anyways after bothering a load of other people it all sort of worked out.

Except it didn’t because the computer still crashes at home. So I’m sorted of back where I started.

I guess they are saying don’t take your work home with you as the thing seems to work everywhere else?

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And more time in the queue…

I read a really trashy romance novel once (go figure, my friend thought it would make great holiday reading for me. I don’t know how she can know me so well and yet so badly). I can’t really remember much about the book – obviously the girl got the guy in the end.

What I do remember is the statement that it can only be good if you are in a queue to get in, because New Yorkers love to queue. It’s a stamp of approval on the eatery.

Same thing here too… usually for places that serve meat for some reason. Generally speaking this means I miss the next big thing because I am too lazy to hang around long enough for it to happen. I rely on happy coincidence. I’ve brunched once at a very trendy modern fusion Indian/Iranian spot once. But only because when I walked up to the door they let me be a walk in. Gracefully. Even though I was clearly smelly from the gym and said I would be joined shortly by a girl and a pram. I am happy to extol their virtues to others (the food was also good) but not to queue to get in. And at certain times you do queue.

So my friend suggested we go to a place known for quality but cheap steaks. Guess what? There was a queue. We thought at just before 7pm we weren’t that far behind in it. Turned out it was just the queue to get your name on the list. The wait was estimated to be 80-90 minutes. I wanted to walk right there.

For the sake of friendship I agreed to place us on the list and go somewhere. We went for a drink and I fought to find a signal in the bar we were in so I had to keep popping out to paranoidly check if we had a message.

When we went down an hour later to be informed the kitchen was shut due to some or other electrical problem.


They offered if we emailed them on our return they would give us a free drink. Didn’t really help me all that much as they still hold a no reservations policy and for the sake of £5 for a drink, my sanity would still be stretched.

That is part of the reason I never agree to wait in a queue. It’s like getting a dress tailored for you. In theory, great idea. In fact. You just don’t know what you are committing to.

There’s an hour of life I’m not getting back and I am still craving steak as a result.

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